I guess that the period of my life where I prefer sitting in the nature all by myself over talking to the tons of trash people and few friends at school has returned into my daily schedule. It didn’t happen all of sudden, but something irrelevant to this post brought me to realization that people can sometimes do only harm.

Only thing that matters here is that some time alone in an enviorment that makes you comfortable can do a lot of good in individual’s life.

Most of us could trash talk people all day long if we were asked to, but that just makes us even worse than them.

My position today; sitting in a crowd of loud, noisy, trash talking girls at school. Sitting, and pitying them. Pitying myself!, for not being where I wish to be, doing what I could be doing if people weren’t as judgmental and if boyfriends would not care more about their friends than girlfriends. Angry much? You betcha.

Ironically, the point of this post of mine is to trash talk people. People are horror to other people, and people are also horror to themselves. I am the one that pushed people around me away, its all on me yet I am not even complaining. I feel like I just needed this time off, from everyone but my boyfriend who expectedly can’t be with me through this though time. I don’t particularly like spending time with people who I can’t cuddle, therefore my boyfriend is my favorite human and if I could I would spend every second of the day with him. Aaaand that is what my whole mess is about.

Detail version of story; School trip at the end of the summer. My plans were to spend all the time with my beloved one, from sitting in the bus to going to meals and showers together. I was even trying to get well with his friends, but things eventually didn’t go as planned because I of course hated his friends and his behavior while he is with them. That’s where things went up and down and all around. I had a pretty nasty breakdown in front of all of his best friends and made a drama scene like you have only seen in movies or in madhouse, that’s where things between us started going downwards and mentally I’ve been on edge ever since. My boyfriend and I are on edge of a break up, he is seeing me only with no possibility of his friends knowing it because he is ashamed, and I am taking it because he is still my favorite human. And my best friends from class? Ignoring me. Because I wasn’t around them during school trip, yet I was still the one all alone!

And here I am all alone in crowd of people, waiting for boyfriend to message me and meet me in front of school bathroom during class when it is only two of us. My favorite human.

With phone in my hands, and blog as a best friend.