Why did I ever stop writing? I’ve always had this high feeling while letting the emotions overwhelm me, but I guess it became more of a chore I set to myself lately. Thats what made it not so enjoyable, rip.. But I can’t explain how much I miss this “dreaming big” and losing myself in words! So much! I would even say that writing is my form of addiction; It has always been the best way to run away from reality, the best way to help me open up my eyes and let me see the bigger picture.
Life has been a rushing vechile towards some destination with no stops on the way. Maybe a quick pee stop. Metaphore. It’s hard nowadays to pause and catch up with life, it seemed really hard to find the time AND the right mood to give myself into a mission of writing something meaningful, and not just empty words.. Long sentance, huh? Lately I’ve had a bigger need than usual to isolate myself from the rush and feel the moments.
My mum came back to live with me a month or two ago, I am no longer alone, and I am no longer able to diet the way I want to without making it suspicious. Gotten about 3 kg since she came, and that immediately needs to go down! But there are always snacks on the table, always smell of the food in house, always ice-cream in the fridge.. Power of will, you say? It was easy when there was nothing but dry meat products in the fridge, which I am sick of eating. When I start living in my own house I will so go vegetarian!
School is going somewhat okay, I could pass with an A, maybe.. Hopefully.. But I can’t believe I actually gave up on online games, it was my another life. I still stayed in touch with few really close friends but I remember having many more people talking to me than now.. I was never bored. I still play games now, but different ones than before. I played this one game called NosTale for some 5 years yet I don’t really miss the game, I miss all the friends from there, I miss skype calling, I miss being the “proest” in it and how everyone looked up at me hahah. It was so easy to make new friends because I helped everyone and everyone were so friendly to me! Now I have those 200 hundred Skype friends while I speak to 5 of them.. At least now I have 5 different countries to visit! And I have the cash because I sold the in-game gold to those who are real addicts! But I have a boyfriend who is not so happy about me visiting my male besties at their place.. Which is understandable, but I wanted to visit them since I was 13, so as soon as I turn 18 I’m doing it!
Today I’m starting my “diet” until I reach 60kg, I really hope I wont give up.. Now that I put it out here I will try really hard to stick with it. It is April and I am wearing a black sweater with little snowmans on it, aaand I really don’t care :) A person just told me Merry Xmas and I replied with “You okay? It is about to be Easter.” The confusion on her face was so funny.
ALSO! Ever since my mum came back the cat is no longer sleeping with me, it sleeps with her, -sad face-, I need the cuddles!