Have you ever caught yourself wishing and dreaming of feeling down while your life is finally going somewhat smoothly? That really is a sign that you’re doomed, but I can’t possibly the only one feeling that way, right? Right.

If you have spent some period of your life feeling down, depressed and hopeless and you’ve moved on from it, there is a chance that you did/or eventually will take a moment to look around yourself and think; I miss that period of my life and I want it back.

Now, why would anyone miss feeling depressed? Personally, I miss it because in a way I felt wiser. More time was spent thinking about world around me than on little useless problems that sometimes bothered me. I spent more time thinking about the infinite nothingness and understanding how useless stressing over things is. I felt like I was above others because I saw the bigger picture. Things that people lose their heads over did not get to me. The feeling of invincibility, carelessness and all the will to change the world is what I’m missing in now normal daily life. I did not feel like just any mortal, I felt as if I was already dead – so why bother? Why not live my dreams? Why not to take advantage of life and live it the way I want while I’m already here? Why wait?

She stopped looking
both ways before
crossing the street.

She stopped wearing
her seatbelt in the car,
and she stopped counting
the pills before she took them.

She wasn’t trying
to kill herself,
but she did stop caring
whether she lived,
or not.

I had the wish to live to the fullest, because I will die sooner or later and nothing really will matter. Better if I experienced all I ever wanted young and died young, than old and with regrets of forever waiting. Some people will remember me, eventually the world will disappear and then what? The point is to be happy, I was happy the way black hole was dragging me down but I felt invincible and superior over my body. I had control over myself, it felt like my own mind was floating above my body. The feeling can be described as; Powerful. I felt joy in that power. But life “dragged me” back to the earth, soon after I forgot how to float. I got dragged away on so many different paths the earth has prepared for me and I again feel perfectly tangled to the ground, busy with going nowhere fighting the daily problems and stress. Feeling happy and fulfilled inside casual daily life gets repetitive after a while and you end up asking yourself “What is the point?”

Now, who wouldn’t miss feeling high on all the life wisdom you once thought you had? Who would want to be just a regular mortal?

I want to have magical powers, I wish if I could control water, I wish if I was a mermaid.. But thats a story for another time ;)