It has been a while; Been on my winter holiday and spent it lazing around, school has started, everything back to same old meh, same old bleh.
Have you ever felt like a complete mess? Its tough to explain. Lately, like last few days, weeks, even months, I feel like a huge disaster. Nothing specific bothers me, really, but EVEERY-single-tiny-thing! I am just a little insane deep inside, I know it. Haha, I know it.
I am annoyed by little things, specifically this morning since I woke up few things just sorted themselves in line saying “Fuck you!” to my face. Well fuck you, too. I can’t be annoyed.
At this temperature I just grabbed the first pants I found, couldn’t be bothered to put few layers on. Didn’t get gloves. Didn’t even wear a bra considering I wont take a jacket off at school, considering they aren’t turning the heat to more than 20% just so the principal can store a bit more cash in his pocket ;) I can’t be bothered.
I just generally don’t have the wish to live. I am not suicidal, at all, but just.. Meh.
Like what on earth am I suppose to do with myself? But literally, what on Earth. I would lie if I said I wasn’t happy, but I can’t seem to be satisfied fully with anything. I miss my boyfriend, and then when I am finally with him I would grade the date with 9/10, that one point is me being bleh and I can’t seem to figure out what is missing.
Fun fact, I watched this one episode of House M.D. where he spoke to someone and I found myself in his words, goes something like this; “You’re almost perfect. Your parents haven’t screwed you up. You’ve always gotten things your way. You’re normal and you badly want to be screwed up, thats why you always try to hang out with people who’re anything but normal and thats why you hate your happy perfect life. Now thats real screwed up!!”
So, conclusion, what is this called?
Living dead? Probably.
Also, I miss rain. Hasn’t rained in a while.