Life is boring. I said I would never be but I’m just getting more and more suicidal over time. Not to the point of thinking how to do it but just about why to do it. I’m sick of waiting to be 18 to travel, but even when I do start traveling that is going to entertain me just for a little while. I have a boyfriend and his love is a reason to live but I would basically have to wait few more years to actually be with him, college and stuff.. And to enjoy life right now, why, how? By getting wasted in a club full of careless, brainless teens who have no idea what to do with their lives? Pointless. Sick of being lifeless in front of computer, I tried to get a life and I just realized that thats also wasting time but just in a different way.
Im sick of wasting time, but I’m also very sick of waiting for time to pass.
Just came to a random idea, would it be better if I commited suicide or if I ran away and noone ever heard of me again? Not like I am going to do any of those, but randomly, honestly?
Suicide is really bad and blah blah could make an infinite discussion about it, but I want to point out just one thing; Life is going to end sooner or later, if I am already sick of life right now why should I keep going? If I really don’t care.
I mean, I am only 17 right now, over time I gathered some nice amount of money and I really want to live a little finally. Why not wait any longer and save up some more? Because I can’t !! I feel stuck where I am right now and I simply can’t. Feels like I simply stopped moving. I stopped half way through and thought to myself “Where am I even going?”
I also think that there is no much point in traveling, but I wanna give it a shot. Because if a new place, new experiences and new people don’t change my point of view I really don’t know what will.
Another side of story; My mum is against me spending that hardly earned money I have, I finally made it to here and she thinks that I am so immature and I can’t wait to spend it. She wants me to save up a bit more, I might need it for example if I fail car exam, or school, or for clothes.. Well alright mum, but what if I don’t make it that far? I played a game, got sick of it, sold items and got real cash. It’s my cash. She wants me to save up, and I just want to live. Because right now I am not, I am stuck. So I honestly don’t care if she wont allow me to go somewhere or to get something I want, I will do it anyway. I need it. I would never waste cash just to waste it. I need something to pull me out of this hole I’m in, and if I don’t find anything to pull me out might aswell just stay in here, for ever gone.
Hopeless. Because fuck life, thats why.