Things have been a little bit rough lately. See, the problem is that my boyfriend reads my blog, and that’s a big part of what got him interested in me. He ran into my blog and found me as a really interesting person. I sort of did not mind because from the very beginning I’ve been telling him everything – and good, and the worst.
But here’s the catch; I’m running out of ideas what to write about. The feelings that are overwhelming me are way too messy and very likely to kill his spirit, which means I can’t write about them.
I wanna write down some feelings about my ex. I wanna write down feelings that I’m having towards my boyfriend ! – Some that are not pure love, you know.. But the thing is that I do love him too much and I just want to get those thought out without him knowing it, because it’s not worth risking the relationship. He is way too childish and that’s bugging me way too much, but that’s just who he is and it wouldn’t be fair from me to change it. I just wanna whine about it to get rid of that feeling.
Honestly, I even changed my blog’s domain in hope that it would tell him “This site is unavailable” and I would tell him that I simply deactivated the site. Unfortunately it simply redirected site to the same one with new domain. >.> Cash wasted. So I ended up telling him exactly what happened, for him to promise me that he will give me my space and not read my blog. (Haha.. Just yesterday I had 7 views from my own country, I wonder who would it be.. I CAN SEE YOU FARTASS! I know that you’re the spy!! )
So much about my privacy..
But in the other hand – he has always been very supportive about anything and everything going through my head. Was it my own demons killing me or the demons I had towards him, he helped me go through it. And I’m thankful. But as for now I feel stuck.
It might isn’t anything horrible that I would hide from my boyfriend, but I just don’t want him to know some things. Nice example/comparison is kissing; kissing is a normal thing, but you wouldn’t really want to your mother to see and stare at you while kissing your beloved one. It is your little corner of privacy that you don’t quite want to share with your mother, no?
I don’t even know should I made drama about this or should I simply let it go?
I hope you get my point. Off until some inspiration for writing hits me~