Okay, so, I am at the pools locker room right now, sitting on the bench, waiting.

I feel like a fool, on the edge to cry, just because so.

Yesterday my cousin called me and asked if I wanted to join her and her parents at the pools, so she doesn’t be alone with them and for us to see each other. They would pay the ticket for me since they got some kind of bundle.

They arrived at the place before me, they got inside and left me the ticket at the reception desk. No problem. Even though I told them to wait for me because I was 3 minutes away. But okay.

So I went in. Changed into bathing suit. Went in the pools place and walked around to find them. But I haven’t. Walked around once again to make sure if I didn’t miss them, still haven’t found ’em.

And then I started feeling awkward, weird, left behind and a bit scared. Standing alone by the wall, with the stuff in my hands, nervously dialing one same number over and over again with no response, with so much people around me just staring and judging, while no one there is really alone.

This one guard walked past me at least 3 times and looked at me weirdly probably thinking: “What the hell is she doing, why doesn’t she just unpack?”

Not to mention how horrible I feel being in bikini, specially right now all alone looking like a freak? (A small comfort was that the cousin is at least a bit chubbier than me.)

So I gathered some courage to make another walk of shame, I calmly walked back into the locker room after standing 10 mins in the corner looking like a freak.

And here I am, in the locker room, sitting on the bench for about 15-20 minutes now. You have no idea how many people walked past me by now.

I called my mum so she gives me cousin’s parent’s number, texted her, her mum, but no point. I think that I will wait calmly few more minutes and then walk out of here. Fuck their ticket when they don’t even bother to find me.

And there’s no way that I will make another circle around those pools. Or maybe I should? But I feel like a complete fool.

I will call my mum to pick me up. Argh.

And cousin just texted me. After I called my mum. Saying she was in the pool. Well fuck it now, I got dressed and I’m getting out of here. I’m way too pissed to stay.

I lied and said that I’ve just had left. I am actually just changing.

I’m happy with my decision. No one will mess with me.

Don’t let anyone mess with you. Stay strong.