I had a dream and there was this guy…

It was a long day, and I really felt the need to connect with this one person, something was dragging me to him yet I couldn’t see him and couldn’t reach for him. I was looking at different directions searching for a trace where he could be.. And all of sudden there I am, in the mall, with heart on its place, with his body next to mine. And with so many irrelevant people in the background.

He was right there, yet I couldn’t touch him. He was right there, standing very close to me. I wanted to look up and observe every detail of his face, yet it didn’t feel safe. It felt like I shouldn’t, like I may not. And I didn’t. I still felt distant, and very triggered.
I think that he felt exactly the same.

Then we were at the movies. We were in that double seat for two, yet somehow we were so far away from each other. In the dark. With no people right, or left.
And then, something in my head has screamed: “Fuck it, I deserve this! At least in my dreams I should be able to do what I always wanted to and not care about consequences.” . All of sudden I looked deep into his eyes. He reached for my hand, I placed the other one on his thigh. We shared a deep eye contact, then we leaned in, and slowly lost the sight. Our lips were an inch away, and then I paused. I paused, I looked at him once again closely, and then we kissed.
It felt real. His warmth.. Our lips together… The smell, the background, the feeling of a fairy tale.

Like a dream that you never wish to wake up from.

And whats the tragic part? Is that I already have a boyfriend. And that this wasn’t a dream.