I’ve made a decision. I won’t stop. Doesn’t even matter what the decision is. In order to stay focused and motivated I had to isolate myself from distractions, from the triggers, and the lifestyle I once had.

The pain is necessary. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything, that you are not a slave to your body, that you don’t have to give into it’s whining.

The loss of interest in my case can be defined better as me restricting myself the joy of doing something that would distract me from the path of decision I made.

My decision is a diet. A strict one. Computer became my enemy. Always ate in front of it and always gave less focus to diet, more to the screen, and eventually gave up. Therefore, I took computer away from myself.
And then I came to the solution; all the activities that would distract me from the path should be replaced. With? Sleep!

Bed, room barely lighted, water and coffee on the chair close by, and phone.
Sleeping for time to pass, sleeping when you got nothing smarter to do, sleeping in order not to do something that I would regret later.

But what when you end up lying on that same bed with your eyes open wide? Light-headed, feeling weak, yet you can’t sleep because you’ve had enough. You’re not tired. You’ve slept and you had your coffee.
But you want to sleep. You want to sleep and wish for time to pass faster. You wish you reached your goal once already.

The loss of enjoyment in all activities that you once liked, when the most important thing becomes achieving the goal. The joy of getting closer and closer.

The feeling of not caring anymore.

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