It’s just another long day at school, lots of numbers just flying around… All the voices gathered into one, just making one annoying noise. I am tired and I really can’t focus. I wouldn’t mind sitting here for next few hours, but I wouldn’t do much more than sitting.
It’s 6 pm, night outside, and I am stuck here with Math for 1 more hour. My spirit is crushed. That dude’s teaching can’t be more boring than he already is…
Again at the school, first class today, Croatian. It’s been 30 minutes since the class started and the teacher took a while to play the movie. At the moment we are watching some sort of historic movie, I am obviously not. Okay, movie might isn’t as shitty as I thought it would be but I cant be bothered watching it.
..And now what, I’m blank. Whats the point of my schooling? That’s not the question, never mind. But I wonder many times how should I approach to school? Should I do all homeworks on time and study, pass all easily and continue schooling? That’s the smartest choice, I wouldn’t be missing anything a lot. I am not really into clubbing, drinking and other stuff my generation does, there’s time for that later. I don’t really have anything smarter to do and I could rock all A-s easily. OR, second option which I’m preforming all this time; Being lazy, geeky person, not crazy about school, not crazy about going out.. all chilled. Doing homework assignments, projects and studying in last moment. I’m not failing at school. I’d say that I’m an average. Because I do study. When I’m studying, I am actually learning and not just randomly staring at the book, because I am focused. Bad part is that I’m doing all that in last second, I pass the test with nice success, and I forget it eventually. I know that I could do so much better, but I just can’t be bothered.
I’m just bored in my life and I’m trying to waste my time the way I enjoy the most. I know that there’s also future that needs to be taken care of, and it will, eventually. “Living for today” , but not in a bad way :) Just as one lazy, innocent person. Lazy as in; test tomorrow? Ill just write a cheat before the class, no biggie.
I am wasting my time, waiting for days to pass, to reach the goal. My current goal, current reward for passing this school year is winter holiday. My boyfriend will come over from London (long distance relationship). I feel helpless, pathetic and useless when I think about all the time that needs to pass until I see him again. But it’s worth it. He is worth it. Waiting for school to finish, to reach my mature age, to finish my chores in this country, this reality that’s holding me down. I will pass this school, I will give what it takes to get over with it once already. The rest of power I will put in dreaming, in hoping and imagining whats my future gonna look like and remembering why am I fighting for this grade, why do I need to finish this school with the best possible score.
Because of him! HE! He is my reward! He is my motivation for schooling, my reward that comes after finished semester. And then, once when I finish this school and all the semesters, when those years pass, I know that the hardest has passed (waiting). From that moment on, we will be able to build our future together. We will hopefully get into college, but I will be with him in real life. And I believe that if I get into college somewhere near him, I wont really need to rush anywhere or dream about different life. I will be with Marcelo and everything else will be less important.
College will be my easy achievable side goal.
School is not hard, it just asks for your time and attention.
I wouldn’t be as occupied with computer, daydreaming or evening hours in Skype call with my darling because he would be right near me all along. And what makes it even easier is that we are interested in similar courses.
I don’t know which college exactly will I go for, but I will consider that once I be with him.
Some relationships last, some don’t. I believe in our relationship and these are, so far, my plans for the future.
I don’t know how will we manage to continue schooling and live together, but we will figure something out when the time comes. Maybe some college fond thingie, we will see. As long as we are happy and together.
It’s a random picture from internet, I don’t know if my boyfriend would agree, but this is something I see in my head; small, cheapest possible apartment (paying a rent), college, and boyfriend as a roomie <3
Messy, right? ^^ I like it.