I am finally away from home, away from computer, getting bored as far as it goes… I hate it but its unexplainable how much I enjoy it. I love wasting my time at home sitting in front of computer, staring at one same online game that I’m playing since 2010 (NosTale).
There are a lot of those moments when I catch myself thinking “What the hell are you doing with your life girl o.o Move your ass, get to know people in real life, move away from virtual world once already!” –But shit always turn out to stay same…
~I’m sitting outside in messy, gray hoodie and some baggy black pants. Got my glasses on and having my half long bangs over eyes (mostly because its windy as fuck and cant really control them). Sitting here outside, being the house, in grandma’s yard on village, at the half lighted table. Dash of light coming from the street lamp and rest is all black night around me. My coffee mug is over the paper I’m writing on so it doesn’t get blown away. Phone here too, in one ear earphone with the half volume loud music and listening to the night sounds on the other. I am a bit scared if something would pop out out of nowhere because, well, it is a bit freaky sitting out in the open in the mid of the night with barely any light.
I am also freezing but I am really enjoying it. Usually it would be really nice to have a loving person next to you in these moments, to make you feel warmer, full and safe. To kiss you and to touch your hair… Just to lean on that person and enjoy the sky, enjoy the peace.
But right now I really don’t feel like so. I wish to sit calmly in complete dark, half asleep and listen to my music and freeze the shit out of me. I don’t think that I am weird. I think that I am able to survive on my own but life has always been easy on me and I still did not have to prove myself. One day I will get the change.
Night makes me open my mind and gives me wish to do some big changes in my life. I believe in myself, one day I will do wonders, as soon as I get the chance. I promised that to myself and I’m sticking to that promise.